Fear

Fear, what compels me to be afraid? For a long time I believed my biggest fear was to not be remembered. Almost like an Achilles complex without the blood, gore, and glory. As I’ve gotten a little bit older I’ve come to realize that it’s more of a fear of not being remembered for the right reasons. Everyone makes mistakes, loses their path, it’s life. What I’m worried about it whether or not my good deeds will over-shadow my less than favorable ones. I’m not going to try to live and a perfect lifestyle and make everyone happy, because that’s impossible. I just want my shining moments to completely outweigh my moments in the shade. Now I’m sure my biggest fear will change as I go through different stages in my life. Atleast I hope it does because oitherwise that means I’m not growing or evolving as an individual. Other less serious fears just give me small stressors. I hate driving behind a semi on the highway while going underneath an overpass. I always curl my toes thinking the semi is too tall and will hit the overhanging concrete and I will be sure hurt in some way from the ensuing chaos. It doesn’t help that semi’s have almosta ran me off the road multiple times. It’s just not my cup of tea. .

I just want my shining moments to completely outweigh my moments in the shade. Everyone in class just keeps typing even though all you said was “pick out a word phrase of sentence”. Did I miss something here? A little more direction would be nice. This is why I don’t like English classes. English teachers want you to be creative and unique and all this other artsy bullshit but when you do those things all they want to do is mold your ideas and stories into something they want. Teachers are who they are because they want to impose their way of thinking on young minds. That when they’re gone all of the students they had in their lifetime have a bit of their legacy if they choose to let it be a contributing factor in their character. English is just an opinion, the professors opinion. There are a few actual guidelines like MLA format and a general body of a paper. But the flavor of those documents is subject to the teachers mood at the time. It’s my thoughts, back off.

            A little more direction would be nice. Notice how I didn’t say “I need someone to tell me what to do”? There’s a big difference in between those 2 statements. Wanting a general guideline as to what to do rather than critiquing every detail to remove any sort of personality I have in my writing. It infuriates me. Fortune favors those that put their own spin on things. My eyesight is incredibly blurry right now so I’m having a hard time concentrating. My eyes have been getting bad for years but this is unruly. It’s giving me an actual headache.